I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
