Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
