I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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