I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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