Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
