I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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