i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
