I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
