you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
