I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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