i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
