She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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