sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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