That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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