dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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