Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
