HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
