My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
