This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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