with your own penis?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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