dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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