I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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