I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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