u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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