Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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