Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
