bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
