A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
