No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
