I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
