the new term for farting is butt boxing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
