Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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