god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
