i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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