if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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