woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize