How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
