just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize