Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
