When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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