i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
