I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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