Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
