You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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