So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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