I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
