Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i think i just lost a toe
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
