Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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