Kiss
Puke
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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