It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
