im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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