Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
