Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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