DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
