You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
