Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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