she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
