Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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