It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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