erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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