Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet he comes in French.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
