you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
