He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
