you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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