I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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