You're so nebulous sometimes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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