He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
