I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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