kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
