It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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