You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
