you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
