woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
