The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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