My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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